She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
