Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
