I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
