oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
