we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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