I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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