I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
