apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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