Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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