shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize