Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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