Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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