Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Still dying that you shit outside
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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