I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it's like heaven, but drunker
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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