What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
be right there i have to get my cape
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
