Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Don't make out with my wife yet
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
