I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i now understand why vodka
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
