I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
