its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
