I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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