i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
