guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
