Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
