I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
