His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
