butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
