My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If that was your dad, he is hot
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
