If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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