If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize