You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
