I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you inspire me to be a worse person
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
