Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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