I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize