I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
