Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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