are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
