Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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