thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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