were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
