what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize