I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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