The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize