Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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