There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize