i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
