Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
