Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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