oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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