my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
