i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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