doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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