Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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