I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
