I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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