So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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