Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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