I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
