i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
