You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
