My first STD was from a foam party
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
