i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
