It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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