Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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