I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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