I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
