Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
