A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
