So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize