so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
