I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
