Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
