tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
