I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
