Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My pussy is not your playground.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
