I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
