Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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