So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
