Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
