turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
