i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
