do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
