i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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