and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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