And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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