how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
