you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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