dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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