'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
